My Realization :: 2005-06-21
I have been neglecting my body about as much as I have been neglecting this diary. It's kind of sad really.
I was convinced almost 12 weeks ago that, around this time, I would be posting my totally awesome (or at least semi-decent) "after" photos. Instead, I am more like a "before" than ever.
Ugh.
I have an admission. This is really hard, because I have to realize this for real so that I can take control of my problem and work to make it better. I can't just admit something and then not do anything to fix it, that's just dumb. But I'm scared that it will be harder than I can handle.
I am a binge eater. Compulsive eater. Overeater. Whatever you want to call it. I can eat until I'm so full that I get sick. I'll hate myself before I do it, knowing that I can't seem to make myself stop, and I'll hate myself even more after when I feel so full and icky.
I can't get over being depressed either.
I keep thinking that I can fix these things on my own if I just try hard enough (interestingly, when this topic came up in medical anthro, I thought people like that were silly, but I digress) and, always, just fail.
I need help.
But I don't know where to start.
