I hate being called sexy :: 2005-09-05

Somehow I've only just now realized that I have some issues. My boy has a tendency to compliment me (*g) and tell me how sexy he thinks his body is. While, to him, I just say thank-you or whatever, in my head I am getting upset and thinking "No, I'm not! Fat is NOT sexy. I am just gross! I know it!".

It's a good thing I manage to keep these things inside of my head. I'm sure he'd be stunned into silence if I started screaming these things out loud. Then probably comforting to me, but still, it would freak me out at least a little if someone did that to me.

Anyway, his supposed reaction isn't the issue here, my own reaction is. Somehow I present a calm and confident exterior while instead I am a writhing mass of self-conciousness.

I need to fix that.

But how?

How do I know that even if I were to lose the weight that I need to and want to that I still wouldn't be just self concious and insecure? I'd like to think that I wouldn't be, but it's not a given.

So methinks that the work on myself in that regard needs to start NOW. I need to love myself all of the time, not later in life "when I get there" but now.

So ... how to do that? I will compliment something about myself that I love when I find myself thinking negatively about my body. I will do the same when I am complimented by someone else. If I am told that I am sexy, I will think of something that I find sexy about myself.

Seems easy enough, but I doubt that it is. I think that would be a good first step. Somewhere to start.

Yay.